now, I think I'm ready

Now, I think I’ve found the switch of my heart. A month we didn’t contact each other… No good morning or good night greetings, no more share about any stupid things, no more fight on chat room… for me is really not an easy thing to do.. but you know I’ve been through it anyway.. Even though sometimes I open the chat box and wanna type something then I delete it again, well if he just seen that.. but I don’t care hehe Well the good things is I can go to bed earlier (and maybe so does he), my cell phone bat is not drop easily, and I think I can more focus in the office.. But it doesn’t mean that I forget all about him, just like what he said.. It’s not about forget, but it’s a matter to switch my feeling.. My feeling yang sebenernya belum tentu juga it can called love…at that moment mungkin I bit confused between love and need, between both acronym of BF (boyfriend and best friend  ewh sounds so childish right?), loving and caring… Bzzz.. scara pan gw dari kecil ga punya abang cowo, jarang punya sahabat cowo, kl punya juga berakhir dengan cara yang aneh… ya ada sih beberapa temen deket yang gw piker dari sisi manapun kyknya gw ga bisa fallin’ love with them  name it since high school, kuliah, kerja), so with him maybe it’s too early to make a conclusion that I need him more than just a friend or yeah I don’t know lah (apa2an ini? Kenapa gw tetep merasa harus untuk men-deny my feeling gini? Hahahaha, kyknya ga rela banget pernah suka ama dy..) Well, whatever my feeling was, I think I found my switch of my heart (again) now… If I go back more than 4 years ago, I also get in to this kind of situation. Bedanya is, dulu ga bertepuk sebelah tangan, tapi emang our relationship udah jelas ga ada ujung nya.. dy dimana, gw dimana, gw umur berapa, dy umur berapa.. udah ga masuk akal juga buat go on… tp when we decided that, still feel hurt inside my heart, dan juga karena dulu gw belom bisa secuek sekarang dan dia nya masih bocah bner, jadi nya perjalanan memindahkan tombol hati itu tidaklah mudah… walopun gt, toh akhirnya berhasil lah.. at least for me.. Kalo yang sekarang bukan berarti semudah menoleh ke kiri dan ke kanan ya, tp mungkin juga karena makin banyak hal yang harus dipikirkan dan juga kapasitas memori yang mengecil, jadinya ya kepikiran nya ga berlarut2, kl lagi di kantor ya sudah lah larutnya ama masalah yang lain, kl udah di rumah larutnya ama masalah ngantuk alias langsung mo to the lor… wkwkwkwkwk… Ada sih rasa pengen tau ttg kabarnya, pengen tiba2 nyapa like there’s nothing happen between us, and I’m pretty sure, that he can easily adapted with that.. but I don’t know, whether I’m ready or not… sebenernya lebih ke rasa malu dan agak gengsi sih.. scara gw ama dy temenan udah lama, trs tiba2 gw menggila, trs tiba2 gw nyuruh dy stop communication, trs kl tiba2 gw muncul lagi dan berlagak seperti nda ada apa2, gw dianggap sinting ga sih? Gimana ya caranya gw bisa bikin dia tau hal ini since I’m not sure he care enough to see this… nda yakin dy sepeduli itu ama gw, dan sebegitu kehilangan gw… *ujung2 nya teteup curcol… hihihihihi